Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry about my life...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize