my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
where am i from again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
