the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
