I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
