Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
