I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
