It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
