I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
