So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
