her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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