Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
