It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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