My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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