when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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