I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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