We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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