yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
we should paint friendship bongs
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