Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
