I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
