she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
