5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am available for nakedness
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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