My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
