you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
