I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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