cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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