my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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