i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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