Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
