he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
