just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
