i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
