Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
