I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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