Only a mothe r could love this liver
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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