? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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