8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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