We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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