i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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