thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
