I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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