Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
