sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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