Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
