i used baking grease as lip gloss
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
