Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When are your genitals available?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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