if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
