Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
