can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
