The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
