So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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