That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
