Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
