if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
