Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
