How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
