What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
