she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
