she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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