If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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