i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize