So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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