Ambien. No doubt about it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
