Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And then my night got REAL pukey
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
