It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
