when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
