Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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