And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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