Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
