it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
