I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
