tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
party gras won. party gras always wins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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