I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
