in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
4 words: hood of his car
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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