You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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