I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
