i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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