Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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