when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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